Actually, they are chocolate chip cookies. Don't let their little turd-like appearances fool you.
I like to bake and I'm generally not terrible at it. I used to cook before my husband turned into one of those dudes who fantasizes about getting their own show on the Food Network and is also a beer snob. Ok, I think that "those dudes" are just mostly him. Anyway--I don't cook now unless there is a stuffing shortage at Christmas or Thanksgiving. He's just way better at it and more territorial in the kitchen. I find it's better if I just wait for my food and occasionally do the dishes/make fun of the way he non-organizes the drawers and cupboards.
So this Saturday I was on the brink of death. Or, at least that's how it felt when my weak, immune deficient pregnant body started to feel a cold coming on. So I chugged Emergen-C and Tylenol and stayed in bed all day. Saturday evening I could tell I had avoided the full weight of Death Cold, so to celebrate, I decided to make some cookies. I usually make my famous Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookies. They are the only thing I know how to make purely from memory, and I am a legend in my immediate family for their greatness. My mom lost the recipe card for them years ago, so my sister calls me and asks how to make them sometimes. Last time, she wrote the recipe down and assured me she would make them for everyone after I die. THANKS. You are only eight years younger than I, but surely, you will live forever.
I had no oatmeal, so I decided to try a Martha Stewart cookie recipe. It turned out great except for this one part: I was watching Party Down on Netflix Instant while I made the cookies. That show is hilarious and awesome and way better than stupid Monk, which my husband has decided is his new favorite show. Maybe after he watches the infinity episodes of Monk on Netflix, he can discover new brilliant fares like Murder, She Wrote or Columbo. Seriously, Monk is so dumb. And it has the worst theme song in the history of television. It's stuck in my head forever now and I'm mad.
So, I was drowning out Monk with some hilarious Party Down and I was laughing so much that I forgot to add the flour mixture I had set aside into the cookie dough. Martha, that's why I list the dry ingredients last instead of first. Setting things aside is just asking for problems. You could learn something from me. I noticed the dough wasn't thick enough, so I did add some flour, but not enough and no baking powder. Things were sticking together fine until I put the cookies in the oven. I spotted my bowl of dry ingredients and ran to pull the cookies out. Cookie soup on trays. I salvaged it by stirring the goop into the dry ingredients. The chocolate chips were all melted, so that's why it all turned out such a pleasant shade of brown. They taste pretty good, not great (thanks a lot, Martha Stewart!) and many lessons have been learned. I think, primarily, that Monk is a terrible show. Can anyone think of a television theme song more infuriating than this?
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