Not a Scrapbook: Next to Godliness

Ahh, housewifery. If I ever get rich via the activities I most excel at (reading novels, drinking wine, browsing the internet and pinning all the good stuff), the first order of business will be hiring someone to clean and organize my house. Because, seriously. Why is it so hard? I have a college degree. I've had extremely challenging jobs. So far my kid isn't turning out horribly. So why can't I remember the last time I went to bed feeling like things were in their proper (or close enough) place and there definitely/probably wasn't any hazardous mold growing indoors?

Well, if I had to venture a hypothesis, it would probably involve a) the whirling dervish/miniature human/21 month old destructive force who is now excesssively mobile and has no shortage of grandmas and other various suckers showering her with books and toys, b) the husband who I guess finds the idea of organization and "putting stuff away" to be too authoritarian or something (also, who desperately needs a man-purse for all his bobbles but just can't admit it), and c) well....me. I've always valued the feeling of clean over the reality. Blocks scattered across the living room stress me out, but shoes stuffed into a closet in a manner that defies physics is as reassuring to me as having Martha Stewart organize them by season/brand/color/weight. If it looks clean, it is clean. I know, not remotely true, but that's how I feel.

I think I've mentioned before my penchant for stress-cleaning, an adreline fueled binge that either charms or annoys my husband (can't tell, he's mysterious) whenever the cloud of domestic fury overtakes me. In the days before Ninja, an overwhelming need to get my sh*# together would find me scrubbing floors, vacuuming all the things, alphabetizing the dvds. I go on one of those benders now and I turn around only to see this:

Lately, I've really been feeling like I can't stay on top of things, so it was time for (not at all) drastic measures! Off to Pinterest, where I found this blog on How to Organize Your Life, You Lazy Poor Person (that's how it made me feel). It's actually a very nice blog with good ideas. At first I was like..."YEAH. Here we go! Suck it 2013, you are getting cleaned, sorted and labeled!" Who doesn't love a label maker? So, here we go. Day 1, Kitchen. Step 1: Load the dishwasher.

But...but...I DON'T HAVE A DISHWASHER! I WASH ALL MY STUPID DISHES WITH MY STUPID HANDS. So, instead, I stopped looking at perfect people's perfect kitchens on the Internet and just cleaned my house to not the best of my ability. I would have taken pictures but there was no time. It looks terrible again. I did, however, with the help of my sweet aunt, clean out the back entryway that was loaded with recycling and random mail and thingamabobs and created THIS: